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Online Dating : Avoiding Giving People the “Douche-Chills”
I think Opie & Anthony’s radio show is some of the best entertainment out there right now. And the reason that I’m bringing their show up here on Dating Evolution is that they coined a term that is essential to understand when it comes to picking up beautiful women.
The term? “Douche Chill”. The douche chill is the feeling you get when someone comes off sounding like a complete douche. Simple enough.
More specifically, it’s the creepy feeling you get when someone is saying something that’s phony, fake or sweetened. It’s the gut-feeling you get when you know someone is full of shit or when a movie plot is ripe with agenda. It is what the “seduction community” (guys who study dating women online like a science) calls incongruity. And it’s what certain subcultures call not being “real”.
In general, acting in a way that gives people douche chills is bad for your social dealings (people will not trust you and, by extension, won’t respect you), but it is MURDER to your romantic interactions.
Trust (and by extension, respect) is an essential part of being able to meet a woman online. I’m not talking about having good intentions. We all have “good intentions”.
I’m talking about trust on that instinctual level, where you know that the person saying it is being real and not BSing you.
Here’s the interesting part. You don’t even have to like what the person is saying or agree with it to feel that instinctual feeling of trust.
On the other side, if what they’re saying does not come off as them being “real” or “honest” in their communication, you will instinctually not trust them and, even if they’re saying exactly what you want to hear, you will have your guard up towards them.
If what they’re saying comes off more like a performance than a genuine unrehearsed statement, they will lose you.
As men, I know you guys have felt this. But women are *wired* to feel this on a much greater, more pronounced level than men. So again, if you are coming off incongruent (e.g. giving people douche chills), you are sinking your own ship with women.
What are cases where guys are most likely to give people douche chills? Well there’s:
- Being a “nice” guy – I am not saying don’t be nice. I am not a jerk at all – I am very respectful, pleasant and considerate toward everyone I meet (unless they give me a good reason not to be).
What I’m talking about here is guys who hide their true feelings about things and instead try to project a sugar-coated image to the world.
Never be ashamed of your desires, your opinions or your outlook. Do not fear it, do not be ashamed of it and do not act like it is something that needs to be sugar-coated.
I’m not saying you should run off the deep end in the other direction and start openly volunteering your most perverted and radical thoughts in conversations. I’m just saying stop trying to pretend to be something you’re not.
- The “never offend” guy – This is related to the “nice” guy I was just talking about. Specifically, this is the guy who’s uncomfortable or afraid to talk about certain subjects, so he ends up getting really awkward and uncomfortable when he tries to discuss the subject.
That awkwardness transmits over a metaphorical megaphone to Makati women – figure out the areas where you’re uncomfortable and handle them. Alpha men are comfortable in a much wider range of areas than Beta men. Take note.
- The “trying out some new material” guy – OK, this is very relevant to pick-up artist / seduction topics.
We’ve all heard “fake it till you make it.” And it’s true and I’ve done it many times as a successful path to building a skillset.
Still, I want to point out that material is not a replacement for your own personality and just spitting out lines is not the end game. You always want to be moving towards integrating the material that works well for you more and more into your personality.
It’s great to experiment, but always be contemplating the material itself and finding the connection between your personality and the material. The more you do this, the more congruent you will be and the better results you will receive.
I am certain that I had given Cebu women a fair amount of “douche chills” during my formative years and had no clue. I was just trying to be good with women, but I came off as “try-hard” or “phony”. Good intention, bad results.
I’ve been fortunate enough to learn from others and through dedicated practice how not to give single women (and people in general) the “douche chills”, but it took a while.
Just something to think about… hope it’s helpful.
P.S. If you’re not on our free newsletter, you need to be… Legend has been on a free teleconference kick lately, answering caller questions and talking about personal experiences in learning to pick up beautiful Manila women. If you’re not on our “Dating newsletter“, you are missing all of this.